old habits die hard. really hard.

i've been thinking and thinking and thinking up storms. and i've been wondering why it is i've been going through such a wild wave emotions that i had since, tucked conveniently away.

well, here it all is and in one very brief moment of clarity i realized the reason i am feeling so much is because i have finally cut loose all those people who have defined the "old me" in order to move to a new standard. and let me tell you, i miss these people alllll the time. and as im sure you know, it is torture to never tell them when all you want to do is be yourself and let them know. but doing so would be insult to injury because nine out of ten times, they'll be no where to be found.

so its been a while now and since i am finally coming out of the angry stage, i'll accept some humility and acknowledge my faults and realize if they're going to improve, then i have to knock off some of these old habits. and its a bitch. im not happy about it. im mourning the loss of time and friendships and love. there have been some ill patterns in my twenties... and i feel like i have dick to show for any of them.

f#%*.

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