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Compliments, Myrpa. You can put on your hipster pants, indie dresses and suspenders and rock out. :)

This year's Thanks goes to...

Amazing parents. I'm finding this is a rarity, and for that, I'm exceptionally grateful. And lucky.

Jake Joseph Lien. Goes to hell and back on a regular basis with a smile on his face, and constantly teaches me it really is just all small stuff.

My "posse" - Julie, Oakley, Teresa, Emily, Wil and Westy.

One-on-one time with my grandparents, amazing aunts, uncles and cousins.

Some time off for fun and lots of solo-travel this year. I never knew how much I needed the break.

The overwhelming onslaught of laughter this year. It's been refreshing after a very dark period.

My kitten faces - Holiday Baby for being chatty pants and a total hussy to all friends I bring over to the apartment, and Maynard (Handsome Boy Modeling School) for your gorgeous face, love of my singing and guitar, and the fact that you literally don't get out of bed except to eat.

Cupcakes, blue cheese fondue, salmon, soy chai lattes, red wine, oatmeal cookie shots, dark chocolate, turkey burgers with cream cheese, scrambled eggs and the deceptively delicious cookbook. Oh, and the new dishwasher. mwahahaha

Finally seeing Steve Martin, live-and-in-person, from the third row. *Squeal*

Really soft anything (i've come to learn that since i have no sense of smell, my sense of touch is heightened), my new place, cruiser bicycles, scooters, the gift of flight, my bed, boutique hotels, the ocean, and that sponge thing with the soap in the handle. SO CONVENIENT!

Ditching all the "takers" and keeping all the "givers" that constantly fill me up and allow me to do the same for them.

The current onslaught of strong, independent women in my life, especially miss Hazel Miller - you are magic in my eyes and I love your never-ending support of all strong women.

A fun job with rad women that I actually enjoy going to five days out of the week. Thanks Lisa, Jessica and Maura.

Friends:
Suzaster - for the many times I got to see you this year and proving that the perfect bachelorette party is four stiff drinks for 10 dollars total at a gay bar in Old Town Scottsdale and dancing in front of a giant fan, Tetris League and cupcakes in Denver, and re-watching House of 1000 Corpses, then laughing ourselves to sleep at 3am - and having the guts to finally do what you want, and let me vent when I'm feeling completely crazy.

Sheila, for your big, beautiful blue eyes, softness and grace, your stellar taste in music, Bob the truck, Blizzard dates at Mezcal and snorting about "thanks for smiling!"

Holly Sunshine, Singsong, Go Lightly. your very admirable outlook on life, your adoration for Mustache Bill, and your sense of humor, - not putting up with anyone's bullshit, Lucy Jane, cupcake dates, cougar nights, mani-pedis and yes, even the occasional grumpy Holly after 20 mile bike rides to and from the LBI Lighthouse.

Rachel, for pushing through a tough year and getting good results, encouraging me to create and complete my list of "28 things to do before 28," and never thinking I'm crazy when i get caught up in my right-brained, dreamy-eyed wonderment for what I want my life to become. You make those things seem realistic.

Chrissie, for making me laugh quite possibly harder than anyone has ever made me laugh in my entire life. I'm thankful for your bizarre sense of humor and genuine honesty about the things that are important. For Fwank, and for the amazing Gaga trip we have planned in December!

Kiira, for sharing sandwiches and GIANT peanut butter chocolate chip cookies at St. Marks, pulling me out of a brain fog while studying for the GMAT, movie dates at the Mayan and Esquire, and of course, bike rides around town, even if they result in my back tire resembling a Dahli painting.

Marcia, for Jack, Rose, your beautiful back yard, homemade Mojito's and long, 9-hour Sunday afternoons catching up on everything and nothing, even tho it came at the expense of your poor finger. Oh, and 4am conversations on the phone when we're both wide awake.

More-over:

Chip (advising when, and only when, I ask)
Lia bean (setting a strong example for what strong women should aspire to during times of heartbreak)
Tempa (red-wine nights til 3am)
Jake (bear hugs, an adventurous heart and proving that gentleman do still exist),
Buum (for helping me in really hard times and overseeing all good things in this life),
Myrpa (NYC pedicab dates, speaking your mind on horrible mussles and Halloween CDs sent special from California)
Angeline (for always having my back, being boy crazy with me, and your stellar dance moves)
Daren and Tracy (making my Thursday nights, and finding a place where Hooping is, in fact, cool),
Jesse and Leslie (Tetris, and always including me on your nights out. You two definitely know how to have fun in life, and I love that I get to be part of yours)
Aaron, Jeremy, Joaquin and Wenzel (love)
My two favorite geese - (for always being the life of the party without attaching any drama to it, EVER)
Flower (for being such a softie sweetheart, angel baby)
Laura (Tuesday hip hop and your overall sweet nature)
Phil (for your support no matter what)
all of my creative, amazing music friends and the list goes on and on and on...

In general sum - love, happy, laughing, friends, family. It has been an AMAZING year and I couldn't have gotten there without all of you. THANK YOU.

Lonely is the night...

Especially when the honest feelings pour in at 4am.

LOVE! - Fan Death - Reunited

Clever - It's like a Hilights for Music.
Check out their single, too - Veronica's Veil

Hogpile

You know, if we all got to walk around naked all of the time, my apartment would be a lot cleaner. The clothes just keep piling up and I don't have the interest or energy to pick anything up. The coat and dress I bought on Friday are still hanging on the back of my kitchen door in bags... Wondering where this 'wind' of motivation is?

Oh, and then there's all the sugar. sour patch kids galore. and the sugar cookie on the walk home. if i'm walking while i eat it, it doesn't count, right?

this is american laziness and obesity at its finest.

back on track tomorrow. no... really.

So hilarious

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Heh...

I keep writing out posts and saving and not posting. So "Debbie-Downer-Introspective" lately. So many feelings and emotions going on this week... where did my sense of humor go? I'd appreciate if you made an appearance!

I think last week can be titled "Weak Sauce Supreme." Surprisingly, I have freakishly strong self-restraint, because my brain has been playing out entire scenarios before making any moves. Impressive, because I've been on the verge of doing a few things that would inevitably just put me into bed with tear-filled pillow cases, a snotty nose and a headache caused by really pathetic wailing.

Attractive.

So screw you, old habits. Sami's got her strong pants on. Some really genuine people have helped pull those legs on by filling me up on a daily basis just by being themselves and pumping me up when I'm dragging my feet. I'm actually starting to buy into what I'm hearing, and frankly, it feels pretty good...

Punch the gut, and the memories.

when does this get easier, exactly...?

One month and counting...

It's really helped that September has flown by so quickly. It doesn't hurt to have so many visits from family, sweet friends and a bunch of outdoor adventures. Oh, and... maybe an all-around, very interesting boy... the long, late night conversations about everything and nothing have been refreshing (so, thank you for that, sir).

This comes to you at just over one month of complete "sobriety" from someone I finally (after two years of trying to do it half-assedly) outlawed. Well, I guess save the "message" he had a friend deliver me, the two notes he dropped in my mail boxes and the one time he rang my doorbell at 8:30 in the morning (which is the funniest, because I opened my window, yelled out "Hello?" and when he appeared below, my only response was to yell "NOOO!," slam my window and crawl back in bed. I haven't seen him since).

All in all, I'm not so utterly full of hate (ok, i guess i'm still pretty disgusted with all of the lying), but dammit if I haven't had some extremely fond memories pop up. This time of year begs for constant company. It's too bad his company would inevitably end up a crying, angry mess - and anymore, it's just not worth it.

So while driving back from the mountains yesterday, a Mirah song popped onto my ipod and it so perfectly summed up how I am feeling. I'd bold certain lines, but the entire song hits dead on the mark. I am thrilled I am seeing her live in just a few short weeks...

You can go listen to it here:

Mirah - The Struggle

And i hope you find
The magic on the floor
That i left behind
And i forgot to close the door
The careless gestures
That made it all so rough
What could i expect from
The great mystery above
It's uncontrolled
All the hate and all the love
The blame that i place
I'm never proud of
I'm never proud of

And every time i pass a place of trouble
I recollect the violence of the struggle
The struggle
The struggle
The struggle

An angel i was
Beloved by everyone
The devil you were
Just what i made you become
And i don't regret
This way it's gonna be
I just hope she gets
Treated better than you did me
You should give what you find
And not tread so fearfully
If you felt good inside
You wouldn't be so scared of me
You wouldn't be so scared of me

And when the light comes down you know it's gonna be a strong one
If we're still both around we look into the face of the sun
Of the sun
Of the sun
Of the sun

We could try to bury the hatchett in the cold, cold ground
But it's sure to heat up when the spring comes around

Quality

Just like last year, this August was hard.

September has cleared the air and brought forth strength, compassion and a multitude of quality. I have had the pleasure of spending some very strength-affirming, intoxicating time with friends, old and new.

Whether it's a Sunday afternoon that bleeds into the next morning, a midnight drive talking about everything and nothing, or a weekend with a few of my aunts and my grandmother, who included me on an expedition of her old neighborhood and home she grew up in, then told me very candidly her feelings on me as a young woman (it's amazing what you learn when you are honest and direct. People, especially your elders really appreciate that), I feel that the value that comes from each of my days is from the time I spend with these people.

I am enamored with a good, honest story and the people who tell them. There's something to be said when someone feels compelled to share such a huge part of who they are with you - and when it comes from such a genuine place, you move throughout your day feeling full, confident, empowered, absolutely comfortable in yourself. I can honestly say I've never felt so filled-up and blessed by those I've chosen to insert into my life and by those of you who have been happy to have me in yours, as well.

I know it all sounds like sap, but truth be told, I don't express these kinds of things often - i am very show, don't say - so know this comes from a very authentic place, and everyone who is a piece of this (whether you see it or not), thank you from the bottom of my toes. I absolutely adore all of you... xoxoxo