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if wishes were fishes...

Friday, May 24, 2013
I wouldn't wish away all the obnoxious self esteem and body issues I have now, as an adult.

I would wish for a better dad that wouldn't have always made me feel never good/pretty/smart/etc. enough in my formative years so that no matter what the hell I looked like now, I'd be damn comfortable in my own skin.

All of the petty worrying about my weight, and constantly carrying around a steady poundage despite the very healthy lifestyle is irritating beyond belief. Guess who else cares about this but me? No one. So why do I even bother? Why not eat copious amounts of cookies and hot wings?

And why, no matter how many times I try, do I always just plateau at the same spot? Always. I feel like I'm carrying around a small child's worth of extra fat that no longer serves my body or life, and yet I can't put the damn child down.

How the hell do I put it down without:
1.constantly obsessing over every morsel of food that goes into my mouth and/or every calorie I expell from any aerobic action.
2. being heroicly detoured any time my body chooses to hold on to the slightest bit of salt/water (seriously...I have been known to gain 6lbs in one day... and not during 'that time of the month.'
3. losing a fun life; I.e. focusing on what I want to loose rather than what I'd like to gain.

I mean - it's simple, really. Eat less, move more (I already do this). Eat non-processed, healthy food (check). Get some Good sleep (well...... ok. It is 2:30am). Manage stress (hi, yoga 4-5x/week).

My boyfriend studied exercise science in school - which is funny because I try to drill him for helpful information and all I ever get is, "you're healthy. You look great. Youre doing everything right!" And, oh yeah, "so many things are predetermined by genes."

I fed him the entire contents of my fridge once, and he said, "well, its just not really in my make-up to be fat."

Oooh....how nice for you! So I just have to accept that this is my body and I can't make it smaller, ever? Really? Because while no, I am not a monstrous beast, yet an average woman, I just refuse to believe that I won't get to be 'better,' even if I really want to be.

I'm stumped as to why, like the millions of other things I figure out and master on a daily basis, I can't seem to conquer my own body.

Hell, if men have had the opportunity, I should, too.


About me

I'm Sami Jo From Denver, CO, United States Samantha loves to travel, lose herself in a good book, practice yoga at her favorite local studio, The Yoga Mat, and connect with friends, old and new. Her love of working with creative minds extends into her personal endeavors, as well. She and her husband conduct a project called "Songs For Jake," a music collaboration channel designed with the simple mission of getting great songs to one really big music lover. Through her business, Roger Charlie, Samantha focuses on publicity and management, working closely with authors, musicians, and creatives who find value in a more personal approach through communications.
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