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if wishes were fishes...

Friday, May 24, 2013
I wouldn't wish away all the obnoxious self esteem and body issues I have now, as an adult.

I would wish for a better dad that wouldn't have always made me feel never good/pretty/smart/etc. enough in my formative years so that no matter what the hell I looked like now, I'd be damn comfortable in my own skin.

All of the petty worrying about my weight, and constantly carrying around a steady poundage despite the very healthy lifestyle is irritating beyond belief. Guess who else cares about this but me? No one. So why do I even bother? Why not eat copious amounts of cookies and hot wings?

And why, no matter how many times I try, do I always just plateau at the same spot? Always. I feel like I'm carrying around a small child's worth of extra fat that no longer serves my body or life, and yet I can't put the damn child down.

How the hell do I put it down without:
1.constantly obsessing over every morsel of food that goes into my mouth and/or every calorie I expell from any aerobic action.
2. being heroicly detoured any time my body chooses to hold on to the slightest bit of salt/water (seriously...I have been known to gain 6lbs in one day... and not during 'that time of the month.'
3. losing a fun life; I.e. focusing on what I want to loose rather than what I'd like to gain.

I mean - it's simple, really. Eat less, move more (I already do this). Eat non-processed, healthy food (check). Get some Good sleep (well...... ok. It is 2:30am). Manage stress (hi, yoga 4-5x/week).

My boyfriend studied exercise science in school - which is funny because I try to drill him for helpful information and all I ever get is, "you're healthy. You look great. Youre doing everything right!" And, oh yeah, "so many things are predetermined by genes."

I fed him the entire contents of my fridge once, and he said, "well, its just not really in my make-up to be fat."

Oooh....how nice for you! So I just have to accept that this is my body and I can't make it smaller, ever? Really? Because while no, I am not a monstrous beast, yet an average woman, I just refuse to believe that I won't get to be 'better,' even if I really want to be.

I'm stumped as to why, like the millions of other things I figure out and master on a daily basis, I can't seem to conquer my own body.

Hell, if men have had the opportunity, I should, too.


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I'm Sami Jo From United States
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