crash.

I thot i was going to get out of August swimmingly. false.

i was having a conversation about nothing in particular and out of nowhere, started feeling like a drudged, horrible piece-of-shit human being. so of course now, i am questioninf everything i am and desiring the life of a hermit crab more so than the open book. terrible.

i won't go into things much further, because it will spiral me down to a horrible, horrible place, but i think i'm about to get my one, good monthly cry in. g.dammit.

square peg, round hole.

what's it feel like to be the only straight girl at a birthday party packed with 30+ lesbians, sitting on a park bench, alone? pretty lame. :)

how was your night?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

change.

new classes. leaving mpa. starting something new. feeling nervous.

two nights in a row i've dreamt of hotels. once, where all the room numbers were labeled with the letter q and i was rendevousing with steve carell in micheal scott mode. the second, my mom, brother and i were escaping on an adventure and some handsome gentleman - tall, with blonde curly hair came in our room with his baby girl because the hotel had apparently double booked our room. he and i decided to rendevous, as well, after a lengthy bit of akward, witty banter.

so i looked up hotels and it in fact symbolizes transition. im hoping with all the academic changes, that the hint of men in there mean i have a man coming along, as well, cause this girl is ready.

i keep twisting in frustration with the noisy carriage house and after trying nearly everything to push mentally past the aggression, i've decided the solution is going to be getting a man in here (that's what she said). muah ha.

no seriously, i can see this scenario in my head, and it is happy and care-free and just in time for the chilly weather. so... come on, man. bring it.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

one of these days...

im going to get over my overwhelming need to fix everything with everyone. to ensure that everyone likes me. i don't know why i keep trying... i really need to adopt more of an eff you attitude sometimes... damn accountability. somebody teach me?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

wtf?!

Is this really one of the first sightings of lissie?

weird. and wonderful.

in other news...

i saw a red, a white and three jack and gingers last night, schooled several games of penthouse photohunt, played a multitude of pearl jam and temple of the dog in christopher's honor and got caught in the middle of a bar fight with cb danger (i.e. we both accidently got punched). bad. ass.

i made this.

for little baby j. my very first sami jo original baby blanket. for a very special recipient and while i only make yarnwonders for those i love most, an extra lotta love got put in for this little one. i can't wait 'til he gets... am all beaming proud :-D

id never survive

in a ground-level flat in new york...

i am spoiled. i grew up in the woods with no neighbors. the only sound i ever heard was the passing freight trains down the road. and coyotes, turkeys...

now, this is city life and i love it, and maybe i would feel different if i loved my downstairs neighbor... but i feel like i've made every effort to befriend, and she's just not having it. so as cute as it is living in a charming 1906 carriage house, there is zero insulation here and i can here everything. everything. honestly, im still puzzled...how on earth do you hear someone below you walking around? got me.

every time i come home and the neighbor's car is gone, i do a little celebration dance... kind of like in high school when your mom left for the weekend and you had free reign over the stereo. sadly now, the only place i can party loud now (because of my own guilt of annoying her) is my car.

half of me is annoyed, and the other half is comforted that there is someone close by. i still haven't landed on either side of the fence. but i have a sneaking suspician once the cold weather settles back in, this will all get better. i don't remember being this bothered last winter.

here's to hoping. and that i have a tall, beardy gentleman to snuggle up with in front of my fireplace so im distracted... :)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

blech.

i took a considerable break from social networking sites, then came back and am kind of wondering why. im getting more and more grossed out by the feeling that most people on there post just to test popularity. and i was there, too. gross gross gross.

the time i took away actually helped me focus on me. my stuff... instead of my often masterminded solution of focusing on everyone else's issues so i can avoid my own.

but i recognized today that i am going through a lot if shifting this year. and i feel really good about where all of them are going... it feels good to be aware of it all and finally out of autopilot. so... maybe im sticking with that. i wont make any grand declarations, but i am fond of 'less is more' in regards to fb, etc.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

bike.

biked 27 miles rt today. 13 of those on an empty stomach. stupid idea. but it made all of those cherries on my stop at cherry creek res pretty wonderful.

i keyed up a bunch of npr's world cafe archives to listen to on my way home inc. lissie, black keys, zero 7, mason jennings and steve martin.

do you know how wonderful life becomes when you're on your last breath of endurance and some solid banjo kicks in and makes you smile ear to ear because you're ducking under bushes and feeling like you're in the deep south instead of some neighborhood street under construction in denver? really wonderful.

in celebration, i ate homemade potato chips and a juicy burger along with three heffervisens (sp) with oj. someone introduced me to a 'wisconsin lunch box' which is the aforementioned beverage mixed with a shot of amaretto. tasty, but ill take the original.

i also got to ride, front seat, in the old cyclone rollercoaster at lakeside tonight. i actually had lost hope of it running ever again. but it does. and it is awesome.

aside from the sunburn on my scalp and left hand, overall genuinely perfect day. i even came up with a new word (trademark): gamtastic.

gamtastic: (adj.): having beautiful gams, legs, stems.

sami jo is so gamtastic, especially after biking 27 miles today (well, and mostly because of the lien
genes).

life is good. i am happy.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

old habits die hard. really hard.

i've been thinking and thinking and thinking up storms. and i've been wondering why it is i've been going through such a wild wave emotions that i had since, tucked conveniently away.

well, here it all is and in one very brief moment of clarity i realized the reason i am feeling so much is because i have finally cut loose all those people who have defined the "old me" in order to move to a new standard. and let me tell you, i miss these people alllll the time. and as im sure you know, it is torture to never tell them when all you want to do is be yourself and let them know. but doing so would be insult to injury because nine out of ten times, they'll be no where to be found.

so its been a while now and since i am finally coming out of the angry stage, i'll accept some humility and acknowledge my faults and realize if they're going to improve, then i have to knock off some of these old habits. and its a bitch. im not happy about it. im mourning the loss of time and friendships and love. there have been some ill patterns in my twenties... and i feel like i have dick to show for any of them.

f#%*.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

tbc...

there is an excrutiatingly hot man downstairs at the bar of our hotel. big brown eyes, a dark curly mop of hair. and he Smiled at ME. and... i want him...

i haven't been intrigued by men in a long time. hello, im back! yesssssssssss.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

detroit

driving into the city, i felt a little uneasy and could only muster the sentiment "its like vegas meets colorado springs meets...the apocolypse." id appologise for being so ignorant, but its human nature to immediately try to identify where you are to comparing it to where you've been. but, i have a sneaking suspician those of you who have been to nola may get a similar vibe, as well, only if nola were on it's death bed. tho, the character definitely still exists.

it's actually really sad to see such tall, brick buildings completely dead inside. Detroit proper is rather small, but its got potential. we made it through greek town (one whole block) and saw the lions... no, tigers play the sox.

now im back up in the suburbs at my friend's ridiculously cute house with the pink door and get the day to myself tomorrow to walk around and explore (including 8mile...yes, i've since become a fan of eminem since christopher and i played through an entire album of his on one of our drives back to sodak).

ill post more photos when im back to a computer, but the one attached is greek town. we parked at a greek temple, so it was only appropriate. i dig it here, but the welcomeness has to settle in.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

Michigan

I head out tomorrow to the home of the White Stripes (yesssssss), and later this week, some water time on Lake Michigan. Visiting Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes (gasp):

Who knew Michigan could be so beautiful??? This girl... is excited. And I'll be writing from the road... hopefully with some photos :)

kodak moment

sitting on the edge of my bed, straight out of the bath. wet hair, bare legs. door open, letting in the cool breeze from a rainstorm. eating 1 of 50 grapefruits i bought out of the back of a guys truck from california. trying to fight the sad. watching (and loving) this video.

day three

and not missing a thing.

my family left today tho, and im already wishing i lived much closer...

lazy day. eat. nap. cheesecake. nap. movie. walk to wine bar. drink entire bottle of red with one of my favorite globetrotters. enter cathartic purging in safe zone. sleep.

trying to figure out this strange limbo that i've landed in now that
ive finally got some time...

here goes...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9