The hardest part.

You think it would be the easiest thing in the world to maintain control of yourself, and only yourself, but noooooo. We (maybe not all) have the occasional desire to manage/control outcomes with other people, when it simply can't be done. Conversely, it seems the more you try, the more you mess things up. And if you try to force things anyway, why would it feel good if you got what you wanted? It wasn't because the other person wanted to take action, it's because you made them... and why would you ever want to make anyone feel that way? I know i never want to be some thing in someone's already busy life that they feel they need to manage. I just want to be a person that leaves you feeling built up when we part ways, and good and easy about our time together.

I am definitely getting some good lessons in this lately. But, it sure is hard when you have been with someone that is 1000% control and never offered any freedom to breathe. I think it's intrinsic that i am a fixer so that doesn't really help, either. But certain people come into your life at certain times for a reason, and just like it was forced down my throat that i should constantly worry, be jealous and keep constant insecure watch on a person, i'm lucky enough to be around someone now that is showing me that's not the case. That there are genuine, open people around me that I can trust, and that I don't have to worry about hurting me on a daily basis. I'm really thankful for that.

I'm not saying the adjustment is a cake walk. I fight self-sabotage on a regular damn basis, but change takes time. and it's a nice change, and i'm sure eventually things will move to auto-pilot, so i'll just keep pressing on... man, it's hard work though.