Punch the gut, and the memories.

when does this get easier, exactly...?

One month and counting...

It's really helped that September has flown by so quickly. It doesn't hurt to have so many visits from family, sweet friends and a bunch of outdoor adventures. Oh, and... maybe an all-around, very interesting boy... the long, late night conversations about everything and nothing have been refreshing (so, thank you for that, sir).

This comes to you at just over one month of complete "sobriety" from someone I finally (after two years of trying to do it half-assedly) outlawed. Well, I guess save the "message" he had a friend deliver me, the two notes he dropped in my mail boxes and the one time he rang my doorbell at 8:30 in the morning (which is the funniest, because I opened my window, yelled out "Hello?" and when he appeared below, my only response was to yell "NOOO!," slam my window and crawl back in bed. I haven't seen him since).

All in all, I'm not so utterly full of hate (ok, i guess i'm still pretty disgusted with all of the lying), but dammit if I haven't had some extremely fond memories pop up. This time of year begs for constant company. It's too bad his company would inevitably end up a crying, angry mess - and anymore, it's just not worth it.

So while driving back from the mountains yesterday, a Mirah song popped onto my ipod and it so perfectly summed up how I am feeling. I'd bold certain lines, but the entire song hits dead on the mark. I am thrilled I am seeing her live in just a few short weeks...

You can go listen to it here:

Mirah - The Struggle

And i hope you find
The magic on the floor
That i left behind
And i forgot to close the door
The careless gestures
That made it all so rough
What could i expect from
The great mystery above
It's uncontrolled
All the hate and all the love
The blame that i place
I'm never proud of
I'm never proud of

And every time i pass a place of trouble
I recollect the violence of the struggle
The struggle
The struggle
The struggle

An angel i was
Beloved by everyone
The devil you were
Just what i made you become
And i don't regret
This way it's gonna be
I just hope she gets
Treated better than you did me
You should give what you find
And not tread so fearfully
If you felt good inside
You wouldn't be so scared of me
You wouldn't be so scared of me

And when the light comes down you know it's gonna be a strong one
If we're still both around we look into the face of the sun
Of the sun
Of the sun
Of the sun

We could try to bury the hatchett in the cold, cold ground
But it's sure to heat up when the spring comes around

Quality

Just like last year, this August was hard.

September has cleared the air and brought forth strength, compassion and a multitude of quality. I have had the pleasure of spending some very strength-affirming, intoxicating time with friends, old and new.

Whether it's a Sunday afternoon that bleeds into the next morning, a midnight drive talking about everything and nothing, or a weekend with a few of my aunts and my grandmother, who included me on an expedition of her old neighborhood and home she grew up in, then told me very candidly her feelings on me as a young woman (it's amazing what you learn when you are honest and direct. People, especially your elders really appreciate that), I feel that the value that comes from each of my days is from the time I spend with these people.

I am enamored with a good, honest story and the people who tell them. There's something to be said when someone feels compelled to share such a huge part of who they are with you - and when it comes from such a genuine place, you move throughout your day feeling full, confident, empowered, absolutely comfortable in yourself. I can honestly say I've never felt so filled-up and blessed by those I've chosen to insert into my life and by those of you who have been happy to have me in yours, as well.

I know it all sounds like sap, but truth be told, I don't express these kinds of things often - i am very show, don't say - so know this comes from a very authentic place, and everyone who is a piece of this (whether you see it or not), thank you from the bottom of my toes. I absolutely adore all of you... xoxoxo