The heart of love...

I"ve felt for some time I belong in London.

Ok, let me rephrase that. I've had up-in-the-clouds ponderings of me in a sweet flat above a bakery on a London corner of an English Street with my cute little scooter, wearing scarfs, boots and dating some cute english bloke with an accent.

Ever so often, I"m reminded of that fleeting feeling (which really isn't so fleeting).

When I was 14, I found a picture of a baby blue vespa with black leather seat (extended for one extra rider), a wire basket and enough space on the floor for a pooch that still needs to be mine.

At 17, I met the english bloke and woah, was he cuuuuuuuute. He was a former DJ that spun drum and base, worked hard as a mechanic and lived in a small house with his best friend of 10 years and his cat Holly. Being such an akward, ugly teenager, I was incredibly suprised he was interested in me, as well. He went back to England - I went off to college, and we kept in touch the entirety of my freshman year.

He was incredibly sweet to me. We talked every chance we got. I got 9-page loveletters with presents in the mail (i LOVE postal mail, not to mention international!), an e-mail every night before he went to bed, and oodles of good music that I still attribute to some top slots in my music collection.

I had images of me impulsively flying into London - finding some train to Dudley and showing up on his doorstep as a complete surprise during spring break - I had no doubts or insecurities - but I was scared and young. When he mentioned he was saving up his money to come on "holiday" to visit me for a few weeks - I freaked out and told him not to come - until we slowly drifted off, I met douche after douche and he ended up with a girl that doesn't allow him to ever use the internet. I think the last conversation we had was about 3 years ago with me wondering why it was fair for a girl to govern what you do... I think it mainly pissed him off - or maybe it was because I got stupid sucked into some jerk's life that I actually thot could offer me the same thing.

Since then, I've thought adimately about flying to London, but never have. I was invited over by a friend to come visit while he was abroad and didn't... i'm not sure why I kept saying no...

It's embarassing to say - but I have been thinking about him a lot lately (Sounds A little too Serendipity, yes?). Leave it to Bridget Jones, The Holiday, Me Without You and every semi with the "England" logo plastered on the back of it to remind me... I've had my heart hurt over things occasionally - but this is more something that lingers and makes me wonder, 'what if.' if i had only had the guts i have now. I could actually be doing that life that i've wanted for the past 11 years...