Hey - Infomercial Industry:

I haven't stayed up til 4 in the morning since college... Usually because I was Bonnie (not Clyde) on five hour road trips from Albequerque to Flagstaff - driving out to the middle of nowhere on long night drives with friends having bad days because they decided to give BLOOD when they pass out at the sight of it (hahaha) and, ya know - the usual, waiting til the absolute, last possible minute to write a 2,000 word editorial for a capstone journalism class...

Then I started the 9-5 'career' and rarely made it past 10:30 or 11 at night...

When I first moved to Denver and was single girl sue in the city, JB (my old boss) was determined to make me into a bonified 23-year old - meaning, I was to go out to the bars 5 or 6 nights out of the week. After one night out with the girls at Denver's SnakePit (Ladies night - drink free... dance to 80s music) and throwing up about 12 times on a work night - I gave it up... I didn't even last ONE FREAKING DAY.

So sad...

But last night I had the opportunity to catch up on my late night programming.

The usual TBS movie... MTV CRAP videos - and... infomercials.
All on exercise equipment and diet programs.

And it got me thinking that it's no wonder America is so flabby - because we're all sleeping while Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkly are showing us how to use some machine to fix our fat asses, thunder thighs and granny arms (right... let's all hire a $1,000/day personal trainer like you did...).

I honestly can't imagine anyone that actually stays up as late as I did last night on a regular basis would be doing anything else but eating cheatos, hot wings and strawberry milk. Great Target Audience...

But i still can't deny that they're addictive. Maybe it's the inner hope we all have that we, too can be thin with a machine/magic plan. We want it easy - and for free or cheap. But once the selling shpiel is over and i find out I have to pay 37 payments of $29.99 - I kind of give up. If i can't even find the motivation to pay some dollars (through visa - i'd do NOTHING but read numbers...) I can't fathom finding the drive to get on some machine and do repetitions every day.

Here's some advice.

1. Sleep through Breakfast and Lunch (advice via Kendra from Girls Next Door - a show I love, but can't tell you why...). Sleeping really does help your body work right.
2. Put on a $70 pair of Reeboks/Nikes/New Balance (my preffered).
3. Go for a freaking walk.
4. Stop eating so much f'ing crap.
5. Go back to sleep - sleep through the infomercials...

Wasn't there a Northern Exposure episode where one of the characters was obsessed with the home shopping network and wasting all of her savings on useless crap? Message Recieved. Message Relayed...