I Don't Even Like Chess

Managing a relationship when it's on bad terms is kind of like playing chess.

I make a move.
You respond with something equally emotive.

I make a grand gesture without winning in mind, but more for the best of both teams.
You agree - then inadvertantly blow it off (which, btw says my move was unimportant to you).
The next day, you do something completely unrelated to our game (wtf, seriously?!) - Now - unfortunately for you, I've gone to go get some Chocolate Milk... with a Straw... and a turkey sandwich... and probably a movie or five.

Hey man, this game isn't timed. You want to be prideful about this - than you can enjoy your stay in limboland.

Tick tick tick tick tick.

I'm beginning to let go of things and not be so forceful of the "why" and just accept that if things are right, they're not complicated and you can forgive and not forget. I've grown tired of spinning myself in circles and making myself sick on the words of those around me when it's always nothing to begin with.

So that's what I was doing a few moves back.
Forgiving.

Always, always, always remember that it's not what you say, it's what you do. Words are tricks when you don't back them up with action. My trust disapears when you don't show me your intention.

I think I have made this clear now and while I didn't feel prideful, I did feel angry/hurt/disapointed - and it really came across in your intention that you just didn't... get it.

I accept (but, won't overlook) you for who you are (i'm most aware of anyone) and you should also accept that it means I don't have to deal with the things I don't agree with or enjoy.

I guess this defeats the purpose of me not 'giving in' to your pride, because I really am done with this kind of relationship. This has gotten us nowhere but circling in a ugly, habitual cycle. Part of this was me trying to save the word. Not my responsibility. I don't want to be the girl that helped mold a man into something better than his former self. I'm tired of having my gaurd up.

So Congratulations!

I've returned from my sebatical away from the table.
Checkmate.
You win.
I'm done playing.

If you'd like to set a match for a later date, you know where to reach me.
Please make it an easier game next time.
Or just don't make it a game at all.

Salud.

A Stab at Songwriting

This is particularly about someone I used to know, but could definately cover a few people that have danced up into my life thus far...

I'd love to put music to it - however - i am without my piano and suck at guitar. Anyone?

I used to hurt for your every moment
I used to push aside my every whim
I waited quietly in your corner
For the rains to change and sweep in the sun.

Stubborn was your soft blanket and
Stubborn always held me steady to your words
I clung so hard to the glimmer
Stifled underneath the grip of the counterfeit you.

But real was less important
than clinging to the ones
Who only want you when you're covered
Covered, In light.
Beguile yourself away from the truth
and find yourself drowning,
drowning in lies.

You took from those around you to reign.
Then faltered when everything just crumbled to the floor.
It's torture to wonder
Why you don't just settle up and be strong.

But real was less important
than clinging to the ones
Who only want you when you're covered
Covered, in light.
Beguile yourself away from the truth
and find yourself drowning,
drowning in lies.

Here comes the spotlight...
this is your moment
to finally make things right.
I hear you saying that things are changing
but now I'm gone and you've just left it all the same...

All the same...

Because real was less important
than clinging to the ones
who only want you when you are covered
Covered, in Light.
Beguile yourself away from the truth
and find yourself drowning,
drowning in lies.

(trademark me. theft is not condoned, and will be punished with a swift kick to your crotch)

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