A blast from the past

Because I'm working particularly hard on "out of sight, out of mind" right now...



April 18, 2005
Something I'd really like cleared up...

Who was the guy that claimed, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder?'.
Cause i'd really like to meet that bitch.

I tried to look 'him' up, and it was only stated as 'An American Proverb.'

What i really think it means: some Deuchebag is ashamed for saying something so bitch-ass retarded that they didn't want to claim their illustrious quote.

Lame.

I know i can't be the only person who doubts this 'American Proverb' --- Hell, some college chic did an entire study on it.

If anyone can give me an instance where this, is actually true, i will gladly give you some service with a smile... whatever your service request may be.

Let me tell you why i think this guy is complete bullshit
because i have several examples to support my argument:

Situation ONE: Take this chic waiting for some guy to call her: Do you think she actually loves the guy?

Pshh...no. No... she just misses the attention. She could easily go out to a bar, a concert... even go running and she'd meet someone else. She just hasn't figured it out yet, because she has such an affinity for the vintage chorded phone.

Yeah...that's it.

Her heart isn't fond of her long-distance boyfriend.

Trust me. I had three roomates that all broke up with their long-term, far-away boy toys because they weren't around. Yes... i'm sure you are different. You're going to last forever.

Until you meet some other guy that's nearby. In your neighborhood. And will hang out with you every fucking day, instead of during a planned trip once every three months or so.

Furthermore... if you break up with someone, and they want to be 'best friends' after and act like it's no big deal, Tell them to Fuck off. It's much easier to get over shit when they completley disapear [a direct example that absence makes the heart less fonder].

Conclusion:: The heart's not fonder. The insecurity, penis/vagina, hips, lips, thighs, etc. etc. etc. are.

Situation TWO: The 100lb weight-loss.

Let's not be confused here. This woman was one tubby bitch. I'm sure she's coping with her emotional food demons of pre- weight loss. I'm sure she's still learning how to eat properly, and how to manage her diet and excercise routine while maintaining a busy swimsuit modeling career.

I don't doubt that.

But do you really think the inner fat girl inside's heart is going "Fat! How I miss thee! Let me count the ways."
Uh. No. She's probably got more confidence around people, which leads her to believe that she's hotter [which she is because she's more secure... not because she's more thin], which leads her to believe that fat is EVIL and was once the cause of all of her problems.

Conclusion:The heart's not fonder. But i guess her size 6-8 jeans probably are.

Situation THREE: That High School Jock Guy.

This isn't so much a situation, as much as it is a point that you're cooler than this guy.

I know all of you knew a guy like this in High School. Because they exist everywhere; be it a population 1200 po-dunk town or some ritzy teen-movie high school in hollywood.

The keyword here is, knew. You knew this guy. You don't know him now, because he still longs for his high school days, and that just makes him a loser.

These days were his high point. He was top dawg, bro! The girls were dumb, the beer was heavily on tap (at parties, for free... because he was... uh... you know... hot), and he didn't have to go to class because he was junior varsity lineman for the football team (vomit).

Now he's sitting around, balding considerably, finally putting on weight and wondering if some hot 18-year-old would still go for his loser ass. He's probably working at your local furniture store, too.

Conclusion: This is an example of fondness gone wrong. Do you really want to be like Uncle Rico, longing for 1982? GET OVER IT.

But still...i digress: the heart's not fond! The Ego is!

Situation FOUR:: The Pac Rat:

I know you. You save everything, thinking, 'oh...one day i'll wear this!' or 'that could come back into style one day... my ass ain't too big!'.

But then your level-headed monica geller-of-a-friend comes in and talks some logic into your giant hoarding butt.

You clear out the clutter. Make room for good shit in your life. Maybe you even make a few bucks of the shitty stuff you sold, because some 14-year-old drummer in a band thot a sweatband would go over well for his 'image.'

Conclusion: The heart's not fonder. You're just lazy and need motivation, beyotch.
[note: this also includes furniture and all that other shit you put in your 'junk closet']

Situation FIVE: Chocolate! [or any other delicious substance]

I admit: Chocolate- big fan. big big big big fan. but mostly only when it's there. on the counter. looking at me.

Easter and Christmas come... and so does a huge basket/stocking full of...chocolate.

What do you do? eat the entire contents within a week. Bet you wouldn't have touched it if you hadn't of seen the suculant treat.

Move that shit out of my territory and i don't even thing about it. Fonder? Um... No.

Conclusion:: Your heart's not fonder. Your boredom needed a nice, tubby little buddy.

I could go on and on... [the chicken pox you had when you were five, the ingrown toenail that hurt like a bitch every time you went running... even really fabulous things, like living in a hotel for a week...] it all gets old. Your heart grows tired of it all... not fonder.

The american proverb guy was retarded.
Write your local congressman..
Tell them american proverb's are for sissys.