My Life is SO HARD!

No, i'm not enamored at all!

Necessary

I hit The Yoga Mat before class tonight, as my body was screaming for a good stretch after traveling through tennessee last week. Every time we practice, we're asked to place one intention for the hour. I repeated in my head "release my hips!" with an additional hope that I'd stretch out my sides, which have been killing me the last few months. I think the Yoga instructor maaaaay be psychic, because we focused on those two things specifically and i went to class feeling pleasantly stoned.

I also signed up for a one-month unlimited account and aim to practice 3-5 times per week. I'm still keen on the walking, but my body needs a break, and having practiced a handful of times over the last month, i'm remembering how good I felt in college while doing yoga 2-4 times a week. Hell, i even grew an inch and a half. Here's to hoping. I need to tone up my arms and some other wobbly bits. Now i just need to find a day-time (cheap) dance class and I'll be golden... (hula hoop in the park to my youtube favorites list? hmm... yep!)

I was going to be productive today...

but then i had a wonderful night with a cute boy, breakfast and chai out in the sun and a million bud lights and some dancing today at the UMX. Oooooh shoot!

The hardest part.

You think it would be the easiest thing in the world to maintain control of yourself, and only yourself, but noooooo. We (maybe not all) have the occasional desire to manage/control outcomes with other people, when it simply can't be done. Conversely, it seems the more you try, the more you mess things up. And if you try to force things anyway, why would it feel good if you got what you wanted? It wasn't because the other person wanted to take action, it's because you made them... and why would you ever want to make anyone feel that way? I know i never want to be some thing in someone's already busy life that they feel they need to manage. I just want to be a person that leaves you feeling built up when we part ways, and good and easy about our time together.

I am definitely getting some good lessons in this lately. But, it sure is hard when you have been with someone that is 1000% control and never offered any freedom to breathe. I think it's intrinsic that i am a fixer so that doesn't really help, either. But certain people come into your life at certain times for a reason, and just like it was forced down my throat that i should constantly worry, be jealous and keep constant insecure watch on a person, i'm lucky enough to be around someone now that is showing me that's not the case. That there are genuine, open people around me that I can trust, and that I don't have to worry about hurting me on a daily basis. I'm really thankful for that.

I'm not saying the adjustment is a cake walk. I fight self-sabotage on a regular damn basis, but change takes time. and it's a nice change, and i'm sure eventually things will move to auto-pilot, so i'll just keep pressing on... man, it's hard work though.

No Obligations Day

Aside from the usual two-hour walk this afternoon, the majority of my view today has been this:

My patio door has been open to let in fresh air, and my computer has been propped on the radiator next to my bed (because it's been warm enough to shut off the heat) so I can stream quirky Netflix films from my instant que. What a nice, lucky happenstance that I had the ability to shut down for a day and just relax. And... eat peanut butter and chocolate frozen yogurt with gummy bears, blueberries and vanilla wafers in bed. Hey, I've got nothin' to do today but smile.

Dig it.

Em had a great photographer at the wedding last weekend, and we did some urban stuff outside on the walk to the reception (how efficient!)

here's a teaser... i dig it! look at emma's cute face!

Manners, people?

Every time I hit the airport, I always notice one thing, and it ALWAYS bothers me. I think it's mostly because it's something always practiced in London, and it just makes sense, and so when a handful don't get it (read: Americans not from the east coast who understand a busy lifestyle), it kind of gets obnoxious.

When you're on a moving walkway or an escalator, it's proper form to move over to the right side and make way on the left for the people that have a more hurried pace, rather than standing there like a giant boulder. I don't know why this always irritates me, because i generally plan far enough ahead so that I don't have to sprint through the B terminal, but I do have a generous strut and I don't like to be interrupted.

So, here's your lesson, in case you haven't observed this directly and aren't practicing. I appreciate your compliance. And so do all of the other travellers maintaining a generous walk to make their flight.

favorite

Ooooooooh...

I'm so tired, but I don't want to go to bed, because it means the thing on the other side means I have to WAKE UP and that just sounds horrible right now. Does that frame of thinking make any sense? I feel this way a lot... which is probably why I have trouble sleeping so often... :)

On an upside, I have to post a text conversation between a friend and I that made me bust up during class... because we both get scarily hungry for candy when faced with midterm stress and we're tired:

Me: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii want mt pie.

Friend: Ha! iiiiiiiiiiii want midterms to be over.

Me: I meant my pie. But now I want a mountain of pie.

Mount pie. With cool whip snow on the top and caramel runoffs.

Friend: I understood. And I want Peeps to frolick in the caramel runoffs with. And a york peppermint pattie bathing suit. And sour straw sunglasses. And a taffy hat.

Me: Oh my god. I am so tired and that is probably the best text I've ever gotten and I'm trying not to pee my pants in class.

Friend: Shh.. shhh... shhhhh... just pee. Maybe the teacher will end class early.

Me: hahahahahahahaha.

I also want reeses trees and zour birdies.

Friend: oooooooh. And robins egg whoppers. And a choco-taco. And a pancake.

Me: What else?

Friend: Apple-o's, hot tomales, candy buttons, sixlets, sweedish fish, war heads, mike n' ike, haribo gummy bears, sour patch kids, violet crumble, sugar babies, fireballs, almond joy, fruit and nut, ritter sport (cornflake), sour jelly bellies, Reeses mini cups, mint three musketeers, stale red vines, grape tootsie pops, circus peanuts, sour s'ghetti aaaaaand... funyuns. OH! And Caramel Cremes. The kind with the powdered sugar center.

Me: Omg. What about alcohol?

Friend: Yea... and candy flavored alcohol. And wine coolers.

Me: And Mudslides, naturally.

Friend: And White Russians. And Sweet Tarts.

Me: And oatmeal cookie shots. Shit. Why am I leaving tomorrow? This could all be a reality.

Friend: I have had nights so epic, I've woken up with apple-o's in my hair...

I mean, really... we could probably constitute 62% of the material on texts from last night.

Heeeeellllllllllp!

I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to accomplish everything I need to in the next two weeks, but I'm sure going to try. I swear midterms are worse than finals. I suspect a few things (people) will have to fall to the wayside, buuuut, i have a sneaking suspicion they're going to understand.

If you don't hear from me, come check on me, won't you? Make sure I haven't turned into a raging alcoholic. Or that i'm not sitting in a small room rocking back and forth in a straight jacket...

Farewell, My Black Balloon

Eeeeemotional Week

I've really had to take one day at a time this week.

School has been consistent as always, but i haven't been able to focus on anything due to some news overload about an old friend, my bitchy attitude last weekend and being a shoulder to someone who really needs one right now. All of these things were a giant precursor to this Friday, which I thought would bother me more, but really went... okay. Why? Partly because of the slowness of taking everything in this week and handling all the emotions involved accordingly. But... I gotta say, most of the up-turn came from my company last night, the sweet way I was awoken this morning, and the shiny coat tails of smitten-ness i got to ride all day long. I have always been a sucker for the corduroy jacket...

Aside from my little boast on having a full heart, and I am mostly here to remind you that there is a new moon tonight and supposedly if you write down some good intentions/manifestations, they're bound to come to fruition within the next week (especially if you're a fish, like me).

So... if you have anything on your mind, try it out and let me know how it goes...