a little bit more a little bit more...

im a little bit buzzed and i cannot lie
you.other twentysomethins cant deny
that when summer hits
and you feel like shit
you like to wet the dry.

yes... Im little tippsed. Add that to walking 15+ blocks or so and calling about 17 people from my insanely small phone book (minimized after my lameass razr died a.k.a. Got flushed under running water during a hot shower) and only One (beloved john cuusak) answered the phone.

im also finding all my ex boyfriends blow ass.
#1 is gay
#2 is mia
#3 i'm pretty sure he is inside anoher girl rightnow... Or telling someone how awesome he is when it comes to music. P.s. You're beyond hot. In fact, your weiner is an exact replica of my vibrator. you are a sociopath. And your music makes my ears bleed.
#4 well... No comment.

i also called friends, Inc. a fine english... No.. Irish bloke i encountered 6 years back only to fail because his # changed. I need to start dating cool peole so i have someone to talk to when single hits.

i also want, nay. NEED my scooter. NOW

My Phase-O-Meter

I've always had a phase-o-meter. I just never had an official title for it until I came to work here in Denver.

A term coined lovingly by a friend of mine at work - the definition refers not-so-loosely to what's on your current food intake body monitor.

Noun This wekk, Ritter Sport Bars are high on my phase-o-meter.

When I was in my early teens, I went from hot chocolate to popcorn to saltine crackers and then to some other bizarre snack food all in six months. When I was 16, I'd head to Armadillo's and get a Mocha Mud Pie Malt every Saturday, freeze it a bit until it was a bit icy and then drink as much water as humanly possible while staying up 'til five in the morning watching reruns of Real World: Seattle.

I'd change it up about every 1-4 weeks depending on my craving - and when it was over, I'd be done with the food indefinately.

Lately, it's been vanilla chai's (which was extremely short-lived after about one week, because it now tastes too sugary spice, and not that nice) and most recently - the one that won't go away? All things Dairy.



Maybe it's because I haven't been sick for a solid three months (the longest stretch in the last 2 1/2 years) - and due to the fact that dairy = phlegm and phlegm prevents clearing of invection - I've been steering pretty clear.

Two friday's ago, I consumed a giant glass of milk, string cheese, 3 wheels of swiss (the little ones from Laughing cow) and then busted through an entire pint of (low fat, mind you) cookies and cream ice cream in about 15 minutes. You'd think one would work out to counter-act all of the consumption; instead, I fell asleep at 8 and slept 14 consecutive hours until 10 on Saturday morning.

It hasn't been as over-kill since that day, but the cheese consumption has been plentiful (I finally understand how men will eat entire blocks of it), and with all of the gourmet cheese readily available from World Market, comes a fierce selection of wine and chocolate (which, of course, will continually revolve on a never ending meter).

So I'm sitting here now after a day of:

A salmon and cream cheese omelet
Asparagus and Beef
1 Chocolate Cupcake
1 Cream Cheese Bagel
1 Jamba Juice Smoothie
More Asparagus
Sweet Potatoes
2 More Cupcakes
1 Wheel of Cheese
and a big bottle of "Boutielle Call" Port, which I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

Where is all the hunger coming from? You got me. But I'm feeling content and loving my cats, because they still look at me like I'm the most beautiful woman alive.

I'm wondering if anyone else is having a day like mine - and what's on your phase-o-meter...?

Next Top Model

Anyone watch cycle 932?
I'm guilty. I don't , like, schedule my Wednesday around it - but i'll catch it if I can.

If you can't (and you don't have to) there's always the four four recap every monday. hilarious.

In case you want to catch up on the rest of the season:
Episode 2
Episode 1

A Charlie Brown Weekend - or - Best of ...

Rough weekend. Designing the house to sell, and after hard labor all weekend, i spill a quart of paint all over the back of my new car... which added about 3 hours to my work slate and put me back into denver around 1:30 this morning.

God bless my parents because the paint was pretty much the one thing that threw me over the edge of an already Charlie Brown/Murphy's Law kind of a weekend. My stepdad solved some major issues at the house, and was there helping me scrub out all the paint and pull my car entirely apart when i showed up at 5pm for dinner, losing my shit and beating myself up for being such an idiot.

Mom: "Well, the good news is Jake ate all of his dinner and dessert. And he and Brandon are on the couch watching Star Wars."
Me: "Meanwhile, outside - your chaotic child..."

We laughed. They're always good about looking at the positive and not making anything a huge deal.

Today i'm exhausted, but laughing really hard because johnny m. reminded me that there is a best of craigslist- and there are some really funny-ass people out there.

Here are a few of my favorites:

#1 Let us Frolic in my Totally Dope Blanket Fort

Date: 2007-03-09, 10:31am CST



Yes, I know what you're saying,"dude, that blanket fort sucks." That would not be the first time I've heard such a short-sighted criticism. Its structural integrity is dubious at best and there isn't a whole lot of headroom. But c'mon, it's not like I'm a freakin' architect or anything. Besides, this little baby is just a prototype. I have vast resources of cushions for anchoring and blankets in order to maximize square footage. My living room is just waiting to be turned into a totally sweet labyrinth of love.

I am very open to suggestions in respect to design and construction, as I'd like this fort to be a shared vision. Much like the Taj Mahal, its intended that this little beauty will be inspired by a very special lady. Once our shelter is erected, we can move in and work on some of our higher order needs. Or we could just order a pizza and tell ghost stries. Please email me with a picture if you want to be invited to this living room party. It will be sweet.

P.S.: I'm alllowed to have sleepovers.

Location: Living Room

I would totally date this guy on the following grounds:

1. He built a fort. Way to my heart = keep your childlike wonder. I LOVE forts!
2. He did the "rawk" hand gesture in front of the fort. hilarious.
3. Look at this dude's livingroom. Great taste.
4. He is grammatically correct. Plus he uses words like "Dubious," "Sweet," and "Structural Integrity" haha.
5. Any guy that's up for pizza and ghost stories as opposed to a drunken night out at the bar just to take me home and "woops!" accidently had sex - "no really! I had no idea this would happen!" - awesome.

I should move to Chicago... haha.

#2Couch - Very Uncomfortable, Red - $3.75

Date: 2007-03-01, 11:01PM MST

Hello. Here is my couch.



I hate this couch and it needs to get ouf of my house. It is the worst couch I have ever seen. I sat on it and now I'm in a back brace. I let my dog have the couch, but then he died on it, so I don't really need it anymore. I miss my dog and I hate this couch.

I'm asking $3.75 for the couch because that's how much Buck's favorite chew toy cost me each month. However, I'll consider other offers. I would just throw this couch into the river, but I hurt my back sitting on the couch.

A little more about the couch:
I bought it 3 months ago.
I paid $900
It came from this swanky furniture place.
I hate the couch.
It is uncomfortable and will probably put you in a back brace.

Location: Denver

Tough three months - but the "I saw on it and now i'm in a back brace" gets me. I'd like a follow-up this summer by whoever had the gall to buy it.

#3Will pay to catch your cold!

Date: 2006-11-27, 10:24PM EST

It's a long story, but I need to be down with a cold by the end of this week. If you have a cold, I will literally pay you to cough all over me. Not a joke.

Ha. Must be trying to get out of a bad date... Reminds me of an episode of friends where Phoebe's is licking a coffee cup infested with germs to get her sexy smelly cat voice.


#4Anyone ever been caught...

Date: 2006-07-27, 1:34PM CDT

...doing the most private of private things?

Last night my girlfriend came home earlier than she ever has and caught me, naked, watching porn, and stroking it with a mask and snorkel on. There's not really much to say at that point. She walked right past me and went into the bedroom. I quickly turned the porn off, put on some pants and took the mask and snorkel off. Five minutes later, she came out of the bedroom and asked how my day was... it was like she didn't just catch me throttling myself with a mask and snorkel on. The rest of the evening went as normal.

We had baked chicken and green beans for dinner, and then watched the Simpsons.

I don't really know what else to say.

Location: Chicago

I'm pretty sure John passed this my way, as well. I remember one time my Freshman year, I walked in on my friend with her hand down her pants... and I did the same thing. What else do you do? "Let's sit down and talk about this..." hahahaha. I imagine I'd hope someone do the same thing if they walked in on me doing something equally as strange.... unless, of course, it was a hot dude. And then I expect you carpe diem that shit.

Go find your own favorites...
Or make your own - clearly it's the perfect outlet for fury or embarassment. :)

Cheers.

Iron Shield

Ok, One week later... this post comes to you after about three other posts that I started and never finished/published.

Last weekend I was reminded of a feeling that I haven't really thought about for the last two months. I didn't block it out - I didn't make it disapear - it was just a good time to set it aside and let other things rule me for awhile.

I think sometimes it better to think awhile before inserting my foot in mouth (especially after doing so already last year)... and after talking with a good friend about what my next move should consist of - he mentioned letting it fester until that bitter, angry, hurt, upset little girl goes away.

She's not gone yet.

I think my bitter attitude hides out in my subconcious. I've been having a lot of dreams circling around the issue. My aunt once told me you can work out entire math equations in your sleep - but I can't figure out how to get rid of this hurt. I've never been good at it.

Going through the motions - i'm a pro. I can fake it to all end - but I never really let go of something when it hurts me. I have been constantly amazed at those people that can forgive and forget so easily. I don't know if I should wish to be better at it, or be ok with me being built that way - because if someone treats you shitty - why should you think they'll ever be different?

Again I bring up the question of nature vs. nurture. I heard someone say today that it's nature - you're born with that certain personality and that's that. Child # 1 is never the same as Chid #2, 3, 4, 5 and so on.

I can remember countless times in high school/college when I would look at all of my friends in normal relationships and me still dateless (i didn't even kiss a guy until I was nearly 20) and thot, You know... all of my friends have married parents. they're so lucky. they're normal. I'd probably be dating people, too if I had a good example in my household. (Luckily now, I do).

Certainly, I wasn't born to be so akward/scared around boys? I've been completely naive and trusting and go along with whatever looked normal among my friends. It's no wonder I've been kicked around (sometimes literally) for the past 5 years.

By nature - I'm outgoing. I'm strong. I'm fun. I have more boyfriends than girlfriends - and the girlfriends I do have don't spend 3 hours getting ready to step out of the house in jimmy choos.

I don't know how to show affection. I've always thought myself something to be desired, but never to be attained. Why is that?

I'm good at keeping you interested from afar, or keeping you away when you get too close. With the exception of one person (and even he didn't want me the way I wanted him to, I sometimes think, for the same reasons), I've felt like I'm always set to disapoint. I know that's the first hurdle to really loving full on - but when everyone thus far has shown me (nurture) this is how it is - how am I supposed to expect othewise?

I'd probably have saved about 5 years + of being so miserable and be enjoying wedded bliss with my english bloke if I wasn't such a sheepish whore. It's not that I have low self-esteem or low confidence -- I just dont' know how to change the way I am in this regard...

Notably, this crosses over to a lot of my friendships (the reason I started this entire post 4 times over, now). My friends are always affectionate and open - just the way I like them - but I always feel a little out of sorts when they lean in for a kiss on the cheek or a big hug every time we hang out. I always felt like the shmoopy-shmoopness was uncomfortable (which is funny, because my very closest ones will say the opposite). What's with the fucking gaurd wall? Why hasn't that gone away yet?

All of this comes to you live from Common Grounds in Highlands on a rainy Saturday night, and I need to stop before I start crying and make a fool of myself...

But there's me - being open - with the strong shield of a computer screen holding you at bay. Do I seem cool in writing? Because I"m probably not in person...

Too funny

I went under contract for a new car on Wednesday.

The proccess went like such:

Tuesday I made the call. The dealer (#1) found the car I wanted - then said I'd have to talk to someone else the next day because he did not work on Wednesdays.

I talked with Dealer #2 the next day about 10 times. I told him 10 seperate times that I would be in his part of town (about half hour out of my way) for a hair appointment and I would make it over between 7:30-9pm. When he kept asking me what time, I got irritated - because I had only told him 10+ times.

At 8pm I called him to let him know I was on my way.

Dealer #2: Oh - I actually already left the store. Can you come by tomorrow?
Me: Why did you leave? I told you I'd be there between 7:30-9. I have to work all day tomorrow and I don't really want to drive this far out AGAIN for you. Can you call someone else so I can talk to them?
Dealer #2Uh... yeah. no problem.

I get to the dealership - and mention my story. Everyone looks ready to help - but completely puzzled when I tell them what's up. So I get Dealer #3 back on the phone - Hand it to the sales rep and tell him to get the skinny.

I sit down - and Dealer #3 (mind you, the THIRD in less than 24 hours) tells me that the price on the car I want is about $2,600 more than what I found it for.

Me: Wrong. I found this online and this is my price.
Dealer #3: Well - with your trade in, we're only making an extra $800 off the price you found. What's that? Nothing.
Me::Ummm... No. That mkes no sense. That means you're getting my car for free and I"m paying you more than what it was advertised.

I leave and go get the sticker I had printed out in my car (thank god). Everyone was whispering What is she doing!?as I stomped outside.

I walked back in and Handed him the sticker.
Dealer #3 acted like that would be the final price.
Me:No... You didn't tell me what my trade in was for! I'm not paying this price when you gave me no trade in.

He proceeds to tell me that my car is only work $1,000 (when I had just had it appraised at another dealer for at LEAST $2000.

Me: No - Sorry.

A Manager comes out and we work the price down extremely into my budget range - was that REALLY so hard? Car Buying is a pain.

After all this, I expected them to be prompt to go pick up my car the following day, since I had put down a chunk deposit.

3 Days Later, I still do not have my car. I'm slated to pick it up (finally) tonight at 6pm (because they're busy on Saturdays and they'd really appreciate if I came in when it was convenient for them... because I'm not the customer or anything...

Excuse me for being bratty - but this whole transaction has been ridiculous. I hate carsalesmen - you all suck. You're a different breed of people and you deserve to rot in hell. You can bet I'll be writing Dodge and that dealership a shitty "customer satisfaction survey" and hope that none of you get your contracts renewed.

In light of all this, I am excitedd to get my car and not have to do this gay ass dance anymore... and my step dad is HILARIOUS (if you want to see some of his stellar photos for Sports Illustrated, etc go to Wire Image and search Rich(ard)Gabrielson.

Rich:Your in journalism, write a letter to Dodge Customer Service. Tell them about how they're always whining about the Japanese taking there market...But then their Dealers treat customers like CRAP!
You might get a free keyring.
Me:: Or maybe even a bumper sticker!
Rich:That says 'My next car will be a Toyota!'

If you want to help me out and write them, too - here's the information:

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